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We all want things in life. Money, happiness just to name a few.

Yet, rare are those among us who get what they want. And luck has nothing to do with it.
No lucky situation will be in your favor if you don’t have the skills and experience to deal with it.

I’ve come to believe that in order to get what you want you need to both push & pull.

Push

If there’s something on your mind, say it!

People can’t read your mind. If you’re unhappy or annoyed, no one will really know if you don’t tell them.

If you want something go get it.

Similarly, No one is going to do your laundry for you. You gotta do it yourself. So if you want a job at company X, or want to go out with person Y or want something from someone, there’s only one way to find out: Ask!

Don’t be afraid to fail or be rejected. Fear itself is the worst kind of failures.

Pull

Being confident about what you want and asking it won’t give it to you. In the words of Dale Carnegie:

THERE IS ONLY one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it. — Dale Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People.

To do so, you need to ask yourself what does the OTHER person want. What are their motivations, fears and needs. That’s why you need to be a fantastic listener and that starts by asking questions. Lots of them.

Give me your why and I can rule the world! Take it from Sinek.

Push & Pull

No one method works on its own. You have to find the right synergy between the two.

  1. Be confident about what you want and ask for it.
  2. Make sure you figure out the map by which the other people work.
  3. Be selfless enough to make compromises.

Outlier

In his book called Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell argues that:

success arises out of the steady accumulation of advantages, when and where you are born, what your parents did for a living, and what the circumstances of your upbringing were, all make a significant difference in how well you do in the world.

The key term here is “accumulation of advantages”. Sure we might not be born in the best family or part of the world, but that is not the end of it. If we can hack our life to become a steady accumulation of advantages, then we increase our chances of becoming outliers.

To successfully get what you want, you need to know how to push, how to pull and how to combine both, in every aspect of your life.
This takes time and practice. You have to be willing to fail a lot while trying and be anti-fragile.

But once you’ve invested enough time, I guarantee you that you will reap the benefits without much effort. I am experiencing this at work, with my family & friends and in other aspects of life.

 

P.S. I’m also on twitter. Talk to me!
Piotry’s portfolio.

 

Related Posts: Why Some People Thrive While Others Don’t.